If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
