If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
