I must be too annoying 4 u.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
