I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
