I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
