a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
