I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
