The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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