he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
