Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
