somebody snuck up and got me drunk
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
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I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
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Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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