Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
