I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
