# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
