my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
