we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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