Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You brought string cheese to the strip club
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
