I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
