that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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