Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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