Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
operation have a gay friend backfired
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
