Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
