"it" just moved
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
My ATM looks so different sober.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.