The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
It's rum buckets o'clock
My Sexting was not on an AP level