it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
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