my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize