Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
So many bounce houses so little time
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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