I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
