I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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