No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize