The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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