There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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