I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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