remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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