She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
