It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
