did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
We are two peas in an std pod
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
