Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
