The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
