What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
