I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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