woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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