So drunk, too bad you don't want this
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
