how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
