We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
