I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Randomize
