How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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