"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
