I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
