I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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