I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Someone signed my nipple.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
