Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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