Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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