the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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