I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
