At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
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