Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
