Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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