Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
