I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Randomize
