so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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