I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
