So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
