I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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